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| Saturday, June 11, 2016 - King Kamehameha Day |
I am not going to lie, my last shift at work just seemed
off. I couldn’t find that sweet spot that I usually step right into. I usually
know what I need to and where I need to enter and exit. I have mulled it over
so many times in my head; analyzing the finer details that made me feel so
unsettled. Whether being pulled by those above me or those around me as I found
myself in one crisis intervention after another, I never found a moment to just
breathe. During the car ride home, I just wanted to escape from everything
around me, but how can one do that when wedged between a wall of luggage and a
co-worker in the back seat of an SUV? So I endured the ride home with ear-buds
in hoping the universal sign of leave-me-be would ring loud and true. It didn’t
even matter that I only had two songs on my iPod. My desire to be transported
to another time and place was so strong that I gave thanks for the repeat
button.
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| Sunday, June 12, 2016 - Beach Day on Kona side |
Usually I find rest in the fabulous thought that while I do
work 8 days in a row, I then get to jump into a 6-day vacation. I usually find
it very easy to relish in these glorious 6 days. With adult responsibilities
and to-do list getting longer and longer, I felt a weight on my shoulders the
moment I woke up Friday morning. I needed to get things done but was unable to
talk myself into getting started. Pressure looming.
It took until Tuesday morning for some of that pressure to
be released.
I find it interesting how the unsettled feeling inside was also
reflected somewhat in the adventures, activities and conversations I
participated in not to mention the events happening around the country.
Even now, as I sit and reflect on the past 14 days, I am
unsure of what to make of it. I wander from event to event, wondering how all
of the pieces are going to shift next, trying to anticipate the next tipping
point. I am at a loss of what I need to do – if anything. It could be just as simple as the fact
that I have been working at this job for 10 months now and have taken only 1
shift off. Maybe it is just time for another break. I could too be stuck on the
way things used to be, wanting to turn back time before all of the changes that
are taking place even began. Or
maybe it isn’t just one thing. We all have bad days. We are human and finding
ourselves in a funk every now and again does seem commonplace. However, I find
this ache within me questioning.
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| Monday, June 13, 2016 - White Rd Adventure with Annie |
I went on a hike with Annie on Monday. Prior to going, I had
heard other people’s tales of their experience on this trail. I patched the
bits and pieces together in my brain. Although I had a great time exploring an
unfamiliar place, the experience I was having was just not adding up. There had
to be something I was missing. Too much of what I was gathering wasn’t fitting
in place. I ended the hike with more questions than answers.
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